we take so much for granted, people around us mostly. but one day they just leave, leaving nothing but memories and words that echo in your head. although when it just happens, you are numb, confused because so many things happen at one time. within a few hours it hits you, they are gone. forever. they get transferred from being a constant presence to a photograph.i was probably the first person to realise that she was gone, because i checked her pulse while waiting for the doctor. it was absent. worst part is i didn't even get to talk to her. then suddenly everything started coming back to my head. all the times we didn't get along, all the times i told her you don't understand, all the bad things I've done and said, intentionally or unintentionally due to my arrogance and ignorance over the last 12 years we've lived together. times i wished i could tell her i was sorry for and tell her i love her. i remembered her funny moods when she'd giggle like a 10 year old, i remembered when i was little how she used to feed me oranges, peeling the soft skin delicately and feeding only the pulp to me. i remembered how stubborn she could get, the trait i inherited. her anger. her soft hearted-ness. everything.
but i had to keep all that out of my head because i knew i had to take care of my mom who wouldn't stop crying and my sister who was the closest to her. holding back those tears were the toughest thing I've ever done. my room seemed empty. all her medicines still there but not her. i had promised her that we'll take her to "Chuda" this Diwali. but that Diwali never came. she was gone. i had never seen my father cry, but i did when they took her. and now shes gone, into the dust where we all come from. only thing i am happy is that she went peacefully, with a smile on her face.
to everyone else you may be dead, but to me you continue to live on, in my heart. i hope you are happy wherever you are Ba.
thank you for all the times. we love you.
