Friday, March 18, 2011

My Nightmare

Fear is funny thing. Sometimes you don't really know what you are afraid of, sometimes its just the idea of "fear" that you are afraid of. Fear almost always relates to future events, such as worsening of a situation, or continuation of a situation that is unacceptable.At some point this fear reeks into your subconscious so deep that it becomes part of you, and it freaks you out because you don't know what its about nor you know why it all started.

I have one of these. Since probably over 8-9 years now. Its inside me, it don't know what triggers it or what causes it. I have nightmares, those recurring ones, which don't leave you alone. The kinds you think is gone but again makes a dramatic comeback. I have never been afraid of dark or heights but this "abstract" nightmare of mine combines both of them AND it freaks me out. There have been nights I've woken up so afraid that I am afraid to close my eyes again. 

Let me describe it. So it always starts with me looking over a deep well in a dark moonless-starless night. Then I fall. In a deep abyss which never seem to end. I can feel the walls with my hands on both sides of me but there seems to be no bottom to that dark well. I keep trying to clutch or reach for something to make it stop but I continue falling. In all these years, I don't recall ever seeing the end of this dream. Its always me falling to a bottomless end.

I have tried looking at many places trying to figure out what it stands for but I don't really relate to the answers that I get. Like one of them says something about how it means that 'you should be cautious or tense expected survival is possible or damage to your dignity.' That doesn't seem to make sense if you have same dream/nightmare for years together. 

Another one I got is - 'well symbolizes the cause or source. Since you don't hit bottom, look to see how you have been trying to figure out how something happened or how to cause something to take place but have not figured it out yet. You may not yet know that thought is cause and what happens in the physical existence is the manifestation of that thought.' This sounds promising but I don't know if I really do put so much thought behind anything, and then if this was the cause why would I be afraid of it?

This might need a group effort in order to figure it out. anyone any ideas? 


2 comments:

GokulMenon said...

yeah i got one...alcohol..that shit gaurantees nightmare freee sleep !!!

nirali said...

Haha..not really G, not really..